Difficult To Be Loved

I think I m a difficult person to be loved.

I can be critical n judgemental at times. I m not cutesy or sweet type of gal. At least I dun try to. If they find me sweet, so be it. I m a forthright person, blatantly honest most times. When I meet a hypocrite, I just cant pretend that it's alright. I speak my mind though at times I know it's offensive.

Men used to tell me they like me because I m unique. But I can be quite a handful. I m not the unreasonable sort. I say sorry readily when I no I m at fault. I take an hour to order my meal coz I want things the way I want it. For eg, I dun jus order a waffle. I want my waffle brown n crispy, maple syrup n cream by the side coz I dun like them soggy. But I m not the indecisive sort. I usually know wat I want, how I want it. Yes, they find me interesting but after a while, loving me become a tiresome affair. Maybe I m jus good for short encounters. U know some pple are good for short encounters. My ex boyfriends love me intensely, I dun blame them. I dun get angry over small things. Sometimes I m like a man, I m ok if my bf is late for a date. I cant stand it when men are indecisive, inpractical with wrong priorities. I like men who are subtle, they can be sloppy in their dressing, it's ok. I cant stand men who take an hour to assemble their outfit for the day. It's too girly for me. IT's a woman's right to do that, to take an hour bath, 2 hours to get ready, and not men, isnt it? I like men who think of consquences, rational n practical. Maybe that explain y I cant stand whimsy, posey proposals.

They used to say I m quirky, spontanous, there's never a dull moment with me. I believe them but wat do men really want? They want someone whom they can feel comfortable, peaceful maybe boring at times is ok with them. That's the kinda life they want. I m an odd ball, not the cookie cutter type. I dun like to be flamboyant, to be in the limelight but I do enjoy sincere compliments. I never solicit compliments from my men. They gave me enuff compliments to brighten me up.

I sound like a man, dun I? But I m a gal at heart. I believe a woman should be submissive, a man should be the head of the family. A woman should learn how to cook simple stuff, sewing buttons, boil soup, taking care of family should be her 1st priority. But to many, I seemed very independent, tough. Yes I look like I m a very strong person, tough exterior but I m not. I m sentimental (too much for my liking), emotional, I get touched easily, cry easily. I love children n I always do my best to get along with my bf family. I believe having blessings from parents are very important. I never forget to buy mooncakes, new year goodies n xmas pressies for his family. I believe in respecting the elders. But still, I flung at relationships. Y? Something is wrong with me somehow. WHen a relationship goes wrong, 99% of the time, both parties are at fault, just whose more or whose less. Both my exes propose marriage within 6 months of the relationship seriously. But at the end, all comes to naught. I like to know which part of the blame is on me. Maybe I m not demure enough, not gentle enough...But I m honest, I love with all my heart n soul, I put in my best n I know they have too so I never fault them.

Whenever I m in a relationship, both of us cant see enough of each other which is normal right? n within the 2nd month, we always felt like we've been together for 2 years oredy. We felt like we know each other so well, so intimately. Is that normal? N they will tell me they 've never felt this way about anyone before. Am I a sucker? I dun think so. We have our quarrels, they cried their hearts out for me. I know they are genuine but somehow, things just go awry. Even when I opted out of the relationship, I know I still love them. That's y it usually take me at least another 2 years before I engage myself in another.

I wish someone will tell me where I go wrong but I think only God can. I think I m weird.